Lately I’ve been wrestling with something I think a lot of moms wrestle with. Through some really difficult circumstances that our family is facing I am realizing that I don’t necessarily trust God as readily as I should with my children and my childrens’ lives and futures. Theoretically, in my head, I know that God loves my children even more than I do and that I’m supposed to hold them with an open hand, but when the rubber meets the road I find myself getting anxious to the point of not eating and not sleeping. I’ve found through different circumstances of life that I can handle just about anything that’s thrown my way, but I have refused to think about anything happening to my children. Lately through some stuff that’s been happening around here, I’m being forced to think about my faith, or lack of it.
I’m always amazed by the faith of Christians in other countries whose stand for Christ puts not only themselves in harms way, but their kids as well. I’m not really afraid for myself, I’m willing to put it all on the line as far as my own life goes, but when it comes to sacrificing my kids well-being, health and safety, that’s it. Nope, sorry God, I’m gonna hang on tightly to these guys, you can’t have ‘em. Now that I realize I have this attitude, it’s not a very encouraging thought to me. I mean, where is the balance in taking care of your kids and letting go of them? Where does faith replace fear?
I know I’m nowhere near where I need to be yet. I know in my head that God loves them more than I do, but I need to transfer that knowledge to my heart and truly, truly trust my children to His care. Then I need to step out in obedience to whatever He asks me to do without question.
If this is how I feel about my kids, how much more the God of the Universe who created them and longs to gather them under His wings. Sigh. I’m still growing, still learning.
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