It’s been an “interesting” summer to say the least. Our family has been through some pretty major upheaval. We are all going through major changes personally, emotionally, spiritually and in our family life. Some of these changes have been evident to everyone around us. I mean, obviously everyone knew Nathan took a sabbatical and then resigned from the ministry. But, some of the other changes, the why behind it all haven’t been so obvious. But, they are so super important.
We’ve been playing a dangerous game here in the Sahlberg family and in the church at large. A game of wearing masks to disguise who we really are to fit in to a group and meet their expectations and to pretend everything is ok when it really isn’t. And I’m willing to take the fall for this one; I’m the one who put the brakes on it all. I simply got sick of the whole dance. I got tired of the game. I got sick of pretending we were ok when we weren’t. Pretending to be something we weren’t. And being forced into a mold that just didn’t fit me or any of us. So, for once in my life I stood up and said, “I Quit!” It was scary. I wasn’t sure if my husband would agree, but I knew none of us could continue the way we were anymore. I was hurting, my kids were hurting and my husband was hurting even though he didn’t know it yet.
Lois Evan said, “Submission is learning to duck so God can hit your husband.”
I realized that being quiet was not ok, it was not getting us anywhere. And it wasn’t Christian either. The Bible is full of strong, independent women like Esther, Deborah and Ruth who stood up and took the first step toward change.
The past 5 months have been unbelievably painful. But I’ve learned at least one valuable lesson about myself and here it is (thanks to both my friend, Nick, and my counselor, Laura) (and yes, that’s right, I am in counseling, so what?)
Ready? It’s HUGE!!!!
It’s not about the purse!!!
Huh? Yeah, you knew it was going to involve fashion with me, right?
Let me explain.
Let’s say you want to be in a certain group, but to fit in you have to carry a $2000 designer purse, but you can’t afford it, so you decide to go be in another group where you only have to carry a $200 purse. And in THAT group you will have the coolest purse. So you get the purse and everyone admires you and you are the IT girl in that group. But, guess what, it’s not about the purse!
Once you realize that, you can buy whatever purse YOU like and whatever purse fits YOUR personality. And then you can move about through any group you want. And in every group some people will like you and some won’t, but who cares? Because it’s not about the purse.
The problem I was having, and I think a lot of us have is, I had a whole closet full of purses (theoretical purses here, ok???) and on any given day I was totally stressed out because I had to get up and pick the RIGHT purse for the situation and group and hope I had it right. But, none of those purses fit ME!
So, I threw them all out! Every singe one. Cuz I hated them all. Hated them with a passion. And I bought a new purse. Just one. That purse screams MOLLY! And I don’t care if you like my purse or not. It’s MY purse and it’s the one I carry.
I’ve discovered something. People who pretended to like my purse before at least are honest now about hating my new purse and people who didn’t really like my old collection of purses LOVE my new purse.
And more importantly: I love my new purse.
