My Spirited Child, Part II

Just when you think you have them figured out. . . yeah.
I was doing pretty ok as a mom, rolling along when God threw me this fabulous curve ball 7 1/2 years ago, named Daniel Harry. I had all my theories and methods, and they worked super well with the first two, but that all flew out the window when I met Daniel. Don’t get me wrong, he was a healthy, happy, chubby baby, but I knew something was up the day when at six months I strollered him into Old Navy and he freaked out. Literally. Screamed bloody murder then entire time we were in the store only to quit abruptly the moment we crossed the threshold into the rest of the mall. Oooo-k, that was weird.  Being the masochist that I am and trying to figure this bizarre kid out, I pushed the stroller back into Old Navy. Ear-splitting shrieks. Out the door; peace and quiet. Strange. I figured it must have been the combination of bright lights and loud music and chalked it up to a cranky day.
Until.
The YEAR.
The year Daniel turned three and all hell broke loose. What the heck was going on? I went from looking smugly at “those” moms in Wal-Mart with the out of control children, to BEING one of “those” moms. Daniel turned into an absolute, scary, freaky monster who could throw a massive, you-wouldn’t-believe-it temper tantrum because I had cut his toast in triangles instead of squares, and it could go on for an hour or more. Nothing worked. Nothing I had done with Laura and Nate, nothing any of the experts suggested. Nothing. Ignorning it or isolating him only made him scream more and louder, and he would start to slam his head into the floor. It was frightening, even to a “seasoned” mom like me.
Enter my “savior.” Mary Sheedy Kurcinka and her book, The Spirited Child.  Just reading the intro made me look around my house to see if she had video cameras hidden. Really!? I wasn’t the only one with a child like this? I learned to invent new, positive words for Daniel. He wasn’t strong-willed, he was spirited. He wasn’t stubborn, he was determined. I began to understand why he was reacting to the over-stimulations in his world. What merely was the world at large, an annoyance, or even fun to me (i.e. loud music) was terrifying and absolutely too much for Daniel. I began to recognize his triggers and help him recognize them so he could calm himself before the meltdowns. We took ALOT of warm baths in those days.  We cried a lot together.  We learned to use the buzz words “crazy” and “bugs.”  When Daniel felt like he had “bugs inside him” or felt like he was “getting crazy” he could take a bath, do a puzzle, take a nap, any number of things to calm down.  My little boy started to become calmer and more sociable.
As he’s grown, there’s still his little quirks, but that’s just Daniel. He doesn’t like “lines” in his socks.  My mom always takes me shopping when she wants to buy him a shirt, because his clothes have to be just a certain texture. But, by and large, I figured we had outgrown and managed the worst of it.
I was wrong.
A new challenge presented itself today. I never imagined that reading could be overwhelming to a spirited child. I sit here typing this with tears in my eyes. My poor baby. It’s so hard to see him struggle with the world in all it’s excesses sometimes.
As I’ve been teaching him to read, he’s done great with individual sounds and individual words and even simple books, but lately the books have gotten harder.  More words, more lines, more complex.  Today he had an absolute meltdown while trying to read. Crumpled in a little ball, sobbing on the bathroom floor. As a mom it was heartbreaking to see. I was frustrated, he was frustrated. Why couldn’t he do it!? I knew he knew all the words and sounds, why couldn’t he read the book?
Then then like a bolt of lightening it hit me. He was having an “Old Navy” moment! There was “too much” stimulation on the page! I quit badgering him to “THINK Daniel!” and simply sat down on the rug with him, and he curled up in my arms and we both cried together. It hurt to see my baby hurting.  After awhile I started to ask questions like I would when he was three. Wouldn’t you know it?
“Mom,” he said. “My head is all stuffed up!”
OK. Regroup. Don’t beat yourself up, Molly, you may not win mother of the year today, but we can figure this one out. So, I got a piece of construction paper and cut a rectangle-shaped hole just big enough to show one sentence at a time.  The rest of the page was covered.  I asked Daniel if he thought he could read just three or four words at a time, and he nodded enthusiastically.
“Yes! It’s like the rest of the words aren’t there confusing me!”
So, we sat on the couch and darn it, if that smart, little bugger didn’t read the whole book in record time, and understand it too!
I’m so proud of my spirited child.
And hey, is it ok if I say I’m kinda proud of myself too? Mommy didn’t melt down like she might have 10 years ago. I think I realized that this journey of learning about my wonderful, complex baby is never going to end. I wonder who and what he is going to be someday!? Especially when his poor head isn’t all stuffed up! ☺

Forget Me Not

Forget Me Not by Vicki Hinze was a fast-paced, exciting book.  It reads very much like a thrilling, action movie, complete with terroristic plots, attempted murders, mistaken identity, a woman who can’t remember who she is, and crackling tension between the two main characters who are doing everything in their power not to fall in love with one another.  Unlike a modern, action movie, however, our heroine has a very real, very serene faith in her loving Savior.  It is this faith that draws, Benjamin, her love interest, and owner of Crossroads Crisis Center, to herself and to her Lord and Savior.

Forget Me Not was interesting and exciting from the first scene until the last and kept me on the edge of my seat.

This book was provided for review by WaterbrookMultnomah Press

For more information on Forget Me Not by Vicki Hinze, see www.waterbrookmultnomah.com

Spiritual Birthdays!

At our house we have always done spiritual birthdays. A spiritual birthday is when the day when we became a part of Christ’s family! So whenever it is somebody’s spiritual b-day we always celebrate with Angel Food Cake(I sure hope you got that “Angel” food cake) and strawberries.Oh and don’t forget the whip cream. And usually for the kids we get a new Bible or a necklace with a cross. Something that represents our faith.

Well when I was younger I was in a Sunday School class and we were talking about when we became Christians. I brought up spiritual birthdays. I remember it all. Everyone was silent for a second and then they ask what was a spiritual birthday! I thought they were just joking! Doesn’t everyone celebrate their spiritual b-days? I figured out that it was only my family that did that. But I thought that was really cool to be the only ones who did that!

So every year we get excited for our spiritual birthdays. My parents though always have a way of turning the celebration of ourselves becoming a Christian to Christ choosing us into a life with Him. So over the years I have learned to thank Jesus Christ for my faith. Cause to be a Christian you have to have complete trust in Jesus. He has to be the whole part of your life. So how could we celebrate our identity in Christ without having Him being the main focus? So over the years I have grown to make  Him that center of my life. Although I will admit some times that is hard to do. Cause as people we think we are better than everybody else! But we are not!!!

So on this day I am proud to say that my mother has made Christ the center of her life for 32 years! Praise Jesus!

She is a wonderful mother that can do anything and everything for Christ. She even made that delicious apple pie for Christ!

-Laura Sahlberg

Thanks Mom!

I’m beginning to realize that apparently I was not raised like a normal teenager. Yes, I was normal in the sense that I had crazy hormones and had posters of my favorite athletes on my bedroom walls.  But, the way I was raised, and the things my parents expected of me, were not normal at all. I am realizing this, because I am raising my own daughter the same way. And I have my Mom to thank for all this!

Between the ages of 13 and 20 I learned a lot! My mom taught me how to properly clean a bathroom, vacuum and dust.  I don’t know exactly when I learned to clean a bathroom, but it must have been early, because for as far back as I can remember I was cleaning my own bathroom. I don’t ever remember my Mom cleaning my bathroom, although I know she did, she must have handed that little chore off to my sister and I pretty early on.  Dusting, too, was a chore I didn’t particularly like or think was important, but she taught me how to do it right. “No, Molly, you can not dust around your duck collection, you have to take them all off the shelf, dust the shelf and put them back on.”  SERIOUSLY!? This came in handy though as now I own a big hutch and a fairly extensive teapot collection.  Laura now gets to take them all off every so often, dust and carefully put them all back. And though my locker at school and under my bed were questionable areas in my life, my mom did teach me how to clean a house.  I learned eventually. Honest Mom! You can look under my bed when you come next week!

My mom also taught me how to plan a menu, grocery shop, and cook.  For as long as I can remember, once week my mom would sit down at the kitchen table surrounded by her recipe box and Betty Crocker cookbook and plan our weekly menu. She would write it all out for every day of the week and then from the menu make her grocery list. I would watch her get up and down out of her chair several times to run to the fridge to see if we needed more apples and to the pantry to see if we were out of oatmeal, etc. Just by watching I learned how to organize my own home meal preparation. Ever since the day I got married at the tender age of 20, I have never wondered, “What am I going to fix for dinner?” Everyone in the house knows we can look at my menu and that’s what’s for supper. I’m slightly different than my mom in that if I don’t feel like meatloaf on Tuesday, I might swap out Thursday’s meal for Tuesday’s, but nevertheless, when I worked full-time and Nathan went to school and worked, whomever got home first always was able to get the meal started for the other person walking in the door. Thanks Mom!

Mom also taught me to cook.  This was no small sacrifice on her part! My mom is very organized and also very neat. I am, shall we just say, an exuberant cook. She solved this by teaching me the basics and then just leaving the kitchen when I cooked. As long as I cleaned it all up!  By the time I was 13, she had handed over Friday night meals to me. I decided the menu and she would buy the ingredients. At first the meals were simple; hot dog roll ups and mac and cheese, but I graduated to cornflake chicken and baked potatoes.

When I came home from my first year of college to live at home and go to school and work, my mom was also working full-time by that point. No one had to tell me what to do, I had been raised well by the time I was 19 years old, and I knew I was a grown woman and was expected to act like one. If I got home first, I started dinner. If my mom needed something at the store, I picked it up. If laundry needed to be done, I threw a load in. We all cleaned the house on Saturday. I certainly didn’t expect to be pampered by my mother at 19 years of age. She was working and so was I.  We both were tired and both needed to share the responsibility of keeping the home going.

My mom also taught me how to spot a gentleman.  When I began dating my mom instructed me to make sure the boy I was going out with opened the car door for me. If he didn’t I was to stand there until he did, I was worth it! A few times guys would laugh and then run around and open the door. They got the point. But one young man in his flashy, red Camero got in and yelled through the window, “What are standing there for!?” I sighed and yelled back, “I’m waiting for you to open my door!” He was like, REALLY!? He leaned across the passenger seat and opened it. I slammed it shut. We didn’t date for very long.

When I met Nathan he actually ran ahead of me to make sure he got my door and told me to sit tight so when we got to our destination he could go around and open my door.  And after nearly 16 years of marriage he gets a little perturbed when I jump out before him.  “What are you doing!?” he’ll ask me.  Even better, after 40 years of marriage, my dad still gets the car door for my mom. Thanks Mom! I know this may seem archaic in today’s society, but the little things matter!

My mom also taught me about Jesus. She read her Bible everyday and prayed diligently for me and my future husband. Thanks Mom! I think my “Gift of God” is pretty special.  My mom also was the one who told me about Jesus and prayed with me when I decided on April 14, 1978 that I wanted to make him the Lord of my life. Thanks Mom!

“Oh remind me of this with every decision

Generations will reap what I sow

I can pass on a curse or a blessing

To those I may never know.”

Sara Groves “Generations”

Giggles and Laughter!

Everyone in there life at least knows somebody who is super goofy,fun to be around, fun to watch and at the same time can be the most caring person in the world. I live with that person! My mom!

She is the best person in the world and one of those reasons is her sense of humor and joy! What happens quite often at our supper table is somebody will say something or something will happen that is really not that funny, but my mom and I will look at each other and burst out in giggles. My dad and brothers will just look at us like we are nuts. But whatever it is that is so funny makes so much sense to us girls, but guys well guys are just so boring when it comes round to silly little giggles at the supper table. Oh well I guess that is just a girl thing.

As girls we can see stupid little things that most people (mainly guys) would look at and just smile, but we girls are not afraid to laugh out loud! Lately every Sunday evening us youth and a couple adults have been playing ultimate frisbee. And the guys NEVER want to pass to a girl cause apparently we can’t play very well! My mom told me that in order for guys to ever play fair at anything you have to be better than them at that thing. Well I believe that us girls blow the guys out of the water for laughter! Seriously guys are so serious sometimes! Yah they can laugh pretty hard and al,l but we as girls can laugh at any thing! No matter how funny it really is!

Now I think it is funny watching other people laugh their heads off! Like tonight for example my mom was watching a funny movie I was reading a book on the other side of the room. And I swear she made me jump 10 feet out of my chair when she would start to laugh! I looked up and just had to laugh because she was tipped over on the couch laughing hysterically! So you have to admit guys, that girls laugh over way more things than you! Lighten up a little! And throw us the frisbee, we’re pretty good at that too!

-Laura Sahlberg!

The Movie Screen in Daniel’s Head

Just once, I’d like to climb inside my youngest son, Daniel’s, head.  He must see some pretty funny things on the movie screen in there.

When he was three, he told me he learned a new song at Sonseekers, Wendy taught him. Really, I asked him?  What was it?  He sang for me, “I’ve got peas in the river, I’ve got peas in the river, I’ve got peas in the river in my soul.” I tried so hard not to laugh at him.  I asked if there were carrots in the river. No, he told me very seriously, just peas. OK, then.

One day were driving down the road listening to the radio when Chris Tomlin’s song, “We Fall Down” came on.  Daniel began laughing hysterically. “What’s so funny?” I asked.  “Who fell down? Why they fall down?” he said.  I tried to explain the song, that falling down meant bowing down to adore Jesus.  That made him laugh even harder. “Jesus fall down!?”  Now I can’t sing that song anymore without a bizarre mental picture of saints in heaven tripping over their long robes.

A few years ago we had a trampoline. Daniel wanted to go jump on it, early in the morning. I told him he had to wait because there was dew on it. He peered out the window and said, “There’s a DUDE on my trampoline!?”

Just the other day we were talking about compound words in school. He was doing a good job and mentioned the words lunchbox, mailbox, flagpole, etc.  It was quiet for awhile and then he goes, “I know! Bad Mitten!”  I started laughing and tried to explain how “badminton” was spelled.  How exactly does a bad mitten look to Daniel and what in the world does it have to do with the game?

Yesterday we were reading Peter Rabbit. Afterwards we were talking about some of the unfamiliar words in the story like thief, sieve, fortnight and mischief. I was asking him to give me his best guess on what they were and then we were going to look them up in the dictionary.  When we got to “mischief” he thought for awhile and said, “Oh I know! It’s like peanut butter!” Huh?  I tried to imagine what he must of thought of the story when Peter Rabbit’s mother said, “Don’t get into any mischief!”  Last night just as I was falling asleep, I realized “Mischief” sounds like “JIF”, the kind of peanut butter we use! So, it wasn’t so random after all.  Still, I wonder why Peter Rabbit didn’t find any peanut butter in Mr. MacGregor’s garden?

An Absence So Great

In her book, An Absence So Great, Jane Kirkpatrick examines some very weighty issues of the heart in a thoughtful and thought-provoking manner.  The second of her “Portrait of the Heart” series, An Absence So Great continues to follow, pioneer photographer, Jessie Gaebele as she leaves the safety of her family and home in Winona, MN and ventures to make her own way in the world and in photography because of her disgrace of falling in love with married man, FJ Bauer, for whom she worked in Winona.  One of the most interesting parts of this story, is that the premise, and many of the details, are true, as Jessie was the author’s grandmother.  I found this encouraging as Jessie was a real person who lived, made mistakes, and found forgiveness and ultimately love.  There is no perfect, fairy tale happy ending for Jessie, but she does find peace, love and safety and ultimately her identity in Christ alone.
There were times I was uncomfortable with the subject matter of unfaithfulness, divorce and remarriage, yet again, this was a true story, and so these people, like myself really lived.  I had to ask myself some deeply personal questions as I read. “Am I uncomfortable with what is happening, because I too have a deeply rooted propensity to sin and to be discontent in my roles as Jessie and FJ were?”  It is often said that the things we dislike in others are those character qualities we most despise in ourselves.  There were no pat answers in An Absence So Great, simply an unflinching, unapologetic look at real people who lived in a real place and time.  One quote from the book regarding divorce and remarriage that I believe Jessie did grasp in her lifetime was something her friend and employer, Virginia said to her, “There are no greener pastures on the other side of that legal fence, that’s what I think.  There will always be weeds masquerading as flowers.”
Some books can be taken alone, but An Absence So Great is one that must be read with the first book of the series, A Flickering Light.  I highly recommend the two books.  I particularly enjoyed the two books because they were mostly set in Winona, MN and the books included many of Jessie’s photographs, some of Winona at the turn of the century. I lived in Winona for the first 6 years of my marriage and two of my children were born there. So, when the author talked about Sugar Loaf and the Prairie-style architecture of Merchant’s National Bank, I knew exactly of what she was speaking. I truly enjoyed this book!

This book was provided for review by Waterbrook Multnomah

For more information on this book please visit http://www.waterbrookmultnomah.com/