I’m not really a New Year’s resolution kind of person, but I do like to look back at the year gone by, take a look at what I’ve learned, how I’ve grown and take some lessons into the New Year. I want to be a better person each year; in other words I want to grow in Christ-likeness. I don’t want to just try harder on my own to maybe get better through lessons learned, because that’s a rather futile task. But, through the power of Christ living in me, I can change more and more into the image of His Son. This is my prayer:
“that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man; so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fulness of God.” Ephesians 3:16-19
Hopefully, I’ve grown through experiences and trials and can take those lessons and let them shape me. So, here are a few of the wonderful things and not so wonderful things that have shaped me this year and what I hope to take into 2011.
1. I went skydiving this year. This was something I had always wanted to do, but I kept saying that I would wait until all of my kids had graduated from high school. For some reason this year, maybe because Nathan had broken his neck two years ago, I don’t know, I just decided enough was enough. As my friend Darby so succinctly put it, “Life is short and the ground is closer than you think.” Seriously, why do we wait to experience the delightful, fun things we keep putting off? So, I jumped. And it was amazing and exciting and thrilling and I landed in one piece. This applies not only to the fun, exciting things, but also to the things we have to do in life. Whether it’s a trip you’ve always wanted to take with your best friend or husband or simply that enormous stack of laundry in the basement, just do the next thing. Make it happen. Doing all of these things and seizing the moment should be about relationships and making them better. From my skydiving experience, I made some new friends and shared the fun with my family. Resolved: Don’t put off til tomorrow what I can do today.
2. I finished my novel this year. Do you know anyone who says, “Someday, I’m going to write a book?” Well, that was me for a long time. Someday, was this year. I wrote a book. It was so cool to realize that I had an entire story inside of me and that I had the discipline to sit down at the computer and get it all down on, well, “paper”, so to speak. I understood and could accomplish character development, plot lines and climax and resolve in my story. Just finishing it was 90% of the battle. Now I’m finding that publishing a book is a whole ‘nother ball game. It’s all about marketing and selling yourself. And it also takes a great amount of discipline. This also sort of goes along with #1. Resolved: Sit down, write a proposal and submit it to as many agents and publishers as I can and then be at peace with the results whatever they may be.
3. I also started running this year. I have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome, so starting any kind of new exercise program is always a difficult and monumental task for me. However, I love to challenge myself. So, I set myself the goal of running a 5K in October and trained all summer. Every time I got out there it hurt and my legs felt like they weighed 100 lbs, but each time I ran, I went a little bit farther. In October I finally accomplished my goal and I was so proud of myself! I discovered also that I love running. Resolved: Keep running.
4. This fall was a difficult one for me. Some very hurtful and unfair words were directed at me. These words caused me to take a good, hard look at myself. Was I really the person they said I was? Or was my conscience clean before God like I believed it was?
I just saw the third installment of the Narnia series, "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader.” In the movie they do an amazing job of depicting each character’s temptations. Each person faces a different temptation, a different voice. The voice looks the same, a green mist, but takes a different face and a different sound. For Lucy, she is envious, insecure and wants to be as beautiful as her sister, Susan. Edmund still struggles with power and greed. Caspian is haunted by the ghosts of his father and voices that tell him “You’re unworthy, you’re a failure, you’ll never be good enough.”
Words that cut to the core of who I am are like that for me. Satan loves to use those things to whisper in my ear that old, familiar refrain, “See, Molly. You are a failure. You are worthless. You will never measure up, never be good enough, never make a difference. No matter what you do or how hard you try, it’s no use. Give up.”
At the end of the day, though, I realized something. I realized a few “somethings” actually.
Number one, my conscience is clear. My motivations have been to always glorify God. My decisions may not always please or make sense to others, but my desire is to please God, not man. I’m not always perfect in the things I say or do, but I know that at the end of the day, I have sought forgiveness from God and been granted so much more than I deserve.
”Little children, let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth. We shall know by this that we are of the truth, and shall assure our heart before Him, in whatever our heart condemns us; for God is greater than our heart, and knows all things. Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God;” I John 3:18-21
This is how I have reassured my heart; my actions and motives are to glorify God and in this I have confidence before God. He alone is my righteous Judge; no man or woman has that right.
Number two follows closely on the heels of this. I love this saying by Emerson Eggerichs, “Your response is your responsibility.” Here’s the amazing discovery I made this year. I can’t “make” anyone mad. I can’t “make” anyone sad. I can’t “make” anyone do or feel anything. And conversely, how I respond to negativity or any situation in my life is ALL ME.
Just before Christmas Daniel told me I was making him jealous because I wouldn’t let him open his presents early. I promptly responded, “No Daniel, I can’t make you feel anything. I made a decision, and how you feel is all you.” Hmmm. He had to think about that one.
How incredibly freeing is that?! I don’t have to respond in fear. I don’t have to respond in anger. I don’t have to respond in anxiety. No one, no circumstance can “make” me feel or do anything.
My response is my responsibility.
Your response is your responsibility.
Resolved: The difficult times will always be around. Not everyone will always agree with me. I will make mistakes. However, in the New Year, I will seek to continue to live my life in a way that glorifies God, I will seek to continue to please only God, and I will be responsible for only my responses to life’s circumstances and not worry about other’s responses.
If I could do all that, with God’s help, who knows where I could be on New Year’s Eve 2011.
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